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Chapter 5

How To Build An In-Person Network

In this chapter, we'll explore the power of building your network face-to-face and how it can transform your business and personal life. 

I'd like to start by sharing a personal story that I believe will help set the tone for this discussion and provide some valuable insights into the importance of getting out of your comfort zone and connecting with people in the real world.

About three years ago, I served as the Chief Marketing Officer (CMO) for a dating company that focused on helping men become more social, improve their conversation skills, and ultimately find a partner. At the time, I was struggling in my own dating life. I wasn't meeting many women and felt like I was missing out on opportunities. It became apparent that the root of my problem was simple: I was staying at home all the time, relying on apps like Tinder to match me with someone, rather than going out and meeting people in person.

When I started working with this dating company, I immersed myself in the material, making myself a guinea pig for everything we taught. I embarked on a mission to figure out why I felt socially awkward in certain situations. I realized that while I was comfortable talking with friends, I struggled to initiate conversations with strangers and often felt uneasy in new social settings.

To combat this, I started putting myself in situations where I was forced to interact with people I didn't know. This might sound crazy, but I would go to the mall, set a timer on my phone for an hour, and challenge myself to talk to as many people as possible. I'd strike up conversations with store representatives, attractive women, and anyone else who crossed my path. If I saw someone I wanted to talk to, I'd approach them immediately, rather than hesitating or making excuses.

This exercise helped me overcome what pickup artists call "approach anxiety" - the fear of starting a conversation with a stranger. While I don't necessarily endorse the pickup artist lifestyle (in fact, I left the dating company because I felt some aspects were a bit douchey), I do believe that the concept of approach anxiety is valuable and applicable to many areas of life, including business networking.

When I examined my own approach anxiety, I realized that it stemmed from a fear of being judged or viewed negatively by others. I was worried about what people would think of me if I initiated a conversation, and this fear held me back from making connections. However, I came to understand that this fear was largely unfounded. Unless you're deliberately trying to insult someone, most people aren't going to react aggressively or start a fight simply because you approached them. The perceived threat is more psychological than physical - it's the fear of rejection and not being accepted.

The truth is, the ability to approach others and engage in conversation is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. Whether you're naturally outgoing or more introverted, you can improve your social skills and become more comfortable building your network in person. The key is to recognize that your current level of social competence is not fixed - it's a reflection of your experiences and efforts up to this point, and it can be changed through deliberate practice and stepping outside your comfort zone.

As you embark on your journey to build a successful business and achieve your goals, it's crucial to understand that staying at home and avoiding social interactions will only hold you back. If you want the success and the freedom that comes with entrepreneurial success, you need to be willing to put yourself out there and connect with people face-to-face.

Remember, who you are right now is not who you are forever. Your current circumstances and social skills are a product of your environment and experiences, but they don't define your potential. By making a conscious effort to improve your interpersonal skills and expand your network, you can unlock new opportunities and accelerate your progress towards your goals.

Now, let's dive into the tactical aspects of building your network in person. There are two primary ways to go about this: through events and in your day-to-day life. We'll start by discussing events, as they offer some unique advantages and challenges.

One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to build their network is attending the wrong types of events. Many newcomers to the business world find themselves at generic cocktail mixers or networking events they discovered on platforms like Eventbrite. These gatherings are often filled with people from unrelated industries, such as realtors and insurance salespeople, awkwardly holding drinks and exchanging business cards. While there's nothing inherently wrong with these events, they're usually not the best place to find valuable connections, unless you're specifically targeting those industries.

Instead, I recommend focusing on industry-specific seminars, conferences, and summits. These events bring together people who are directly involved in your field, providing a more targeted and relevant networking opportunity. For example, if you're in the digital marketing space, Traffic and Conversion Summit is an excellent event to attend. Held multiple times a year in San Diego, this conference attracts top-tier professionals from all aspects of digital marketing, including affiliates, web developers, and copywriters. It's a prime opportunity to connect with potential clients, partners, and to even meet mentors.

When you attend these industry-specific events, don't limit yourself to just watching the presentations and taking notes. While the seminars and speakers can certainly provide valuable insights, the real magic happens during the downtime and social events surrounding the conference. Look for opportunities to strike up conversations with the people sitting near you, attend the sponsored parties and networking events, and don't be afraid to approach speakers or influencers you admire.

It's important to remember that most people attend these events with the intention of meeting new people and expanding their own networks. As long as you approach others with respect and genuine interest, you'll find that the vast majority of attendees are open to conversation and connection.

One of the keys to successful in-person networking is to focus on being a cool, relatable person. Rather than dominating the conversation by talking about yourself and your accomplishments, take a genuine interest in the people you meet. Ask questions, listen attentively, and look for ways to add value to the interaction. Remember, the sweetest sound to anyone's ear is the sound of their own name, so make an effort to remember and use the names of the people you meet.

If you find yourself feeling nervous or intimidated at the thought of approaching someone you meet that’s bigger (status wise) than you, try to reframe your perspective. Just like the attractive girl at the bar, the successful entrepreneur or influential speaker is just a regular person. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Don't put them on a pedestal or assume they're too important to talk to you. Instead, view them as a potential peer or collaborator, and approach them with confidence and respect.

You never know where a simple conversation might lead. Perhaps you'll strike up a chat with a well-known figure in your industry and discover that they're looking for someone with your exact skillset to join their team. Or maybe you'll connect with a fellow attendee who becomes a valuable referral partner or collaborator. The key is to put yourself out there and be open to the possibilities.

If you're not naturally outgoing or you find the idea of networking intimidating, don't be afraid to use a bit of "social lubricant" to help ease your nerves. Having a drink or two can help you feel more relaxed and confident, making it easier to strike up conversations and build rapport. Just be sure to drink responsibly and avoid getting sloppy or unprofessional.

When you do make a connection with someone at an event, focus on exchanging social media information rather than business cards or phone numbers. In today's digital age, connecting on platforms like LinkedIn, Twitter, or Instagram allows you to stay in touch and build the relationship over time. After the event, follow up with the people you met by sending a personalized message referencing your conversation and expressing your desire to stay connected.

As you build your network, look for ways to provide value to the people you meet. If you're a copywriter, offer to review someone's website or sales page and provide feedback. If you're a video editor, suggest ways they could improve their YouTube content. By giving freely and demonstrating your expertise, you'll build trust and credibility with your new connections, making them more likely to think of you when they need your services or know someone who does.

Remember, building a strong network takes time and consistency. Aim to attend at least two to four relevant events per year, and make a conscious effort to connect with as many people as possible at each one. Over time, you'll find that your network begins to grow exponentially, as the people you meet introduce you to their own circles and opportunities start to arise from unexpected places.

In addition to formal events, there are countless opportunities to build your network in your day-to-day life. The key is to get out of the house and put yourself in situations where you're likely to encounter people who share your interests or could benefit from your expertise.

One of my favorite places to network is at cigar bars and coffee shops. I have a friend who goes to his local cigar bar every Wednesday, and he's landed countless consulting clients just by playing poker and chatting with the successful business owners who frequent the establishment. There's something about the relaxed, convivial atmosphere of a cigar bar that makes it easy to strike up conversations and build genuine connections.

However, coffee shops, co-working spaces, upscale hotel lounges, and even local restaurants are also a great spot to meet cool people. The key is to choose locations where you're likely to find people who are engaged in business or entrepreneurial pursuits, rather than just socializing or killing time.

When you do encounter someone who seems like a potential connection, look for natural opportunities to start a conversation. If you notice they have a sticker from a popular marketing conference on their laptop, ask them about their experience at the event. If they're wearing a shirt with a logo you recognize, use it as a conversation starter. The goal is to find common ground and build rapport, rather than diving straight into a sales pitch or business discussion.

As you build your in-person network, remember to focus on quality over quantity. It's better to have a smaller circle of genuine, mutually beneficial relationships than a vast collection of superficial contacts. Take the time to really get to know the people you meet, and look for ways to support and assist them in their own endeavors.

Ultimately, building a strong network in person requires a combination of courage, consistency, and genuine interest in others. By stepping outside your comfort zone, attending relevant events, and seeking out opportunities to connect in your daily life, you'll gradually build a powerful web of relationships that can support and accelerate your business growth.

Remember, your network is one of your most valuable assets as an entrepreneur. Invest in it wisely, nurture it consistently, and watch as it opens doors and creates opportunities you never could have imagined on your own.